- Super high salary (4576 votes)
- Incredibly well-educated (3595 votes)
- Too good at her work (2034 votes)
- Too beautiful (1743 votes)
- Neat freak (1640 votes)
- Too popular with men (1543 votes)
- Too witty (1522 votes)
- Too knowledgeable (1168 votes)
- Trust people too easily (1099 votes)
- Not selfish enough (982 votes)
- Too attentive to other’s needs (887 votes)
- Too understanding (680 votes)
- Too generous (601 votes)
- Too kind (405 votes)
- Body is too amazing (365 votes)
- Too good at sports (243 votes)
- Too good at cooking (173 votes)
Comparing it to the list by men, it’s clear that a lot of these opinions are based on jealousy and pride. Numerous studies have shown that men feel insecure when their partner is the breadwinner, and that might correlate to disliking intelligent women, since they usually go hand in hand. While men were more bothered by money and intelligence, women were more concerned about how attractive the man was, as he may be poached by other men if he’s too good looking.
Meanwhile, women disliked men that were picky about their own cleaning and cooking habits. This is probably due to the woman’s fear of post-marriage housewife duties, as he may complain about the level of tidiness in the house or quality of meals. Women also disliked men that were too trusting of others, and this may be because these types of men may be loose with their spending habits — very important as housewives command finances in a typical Japanese household.
However, both genders agreed that having an amazing body and loving sports is generally a non-issue. You might first think that it’s because everyone’s in great shape, but in reality it’s probably something the respondents haven’t really encountered. With the pressures of Japanese society to not be overweight (some teasing is not uncommon if you’re getting even slightly pudgy), it’s probably not something that people dwell on often.
goo Ranking
“It’s clear that a lot of these are based on jealousy and pride.”
No, that’s not “clear.” The only thing that is clear is that many of the higher rated ones have to do with an intelligent female generally making a high salary. There’s no way to determine conclusively that it’s simply “jealousy and pride.” What if they aren’t interested in a high-paid salary woman because they aren’t interested in someone who obsesses over their work? If someone makes a high salary, it’s plausible that they’re workaholics. If that’s not what you’re looking for in a spouse, then it’s reasonable to assume that you wouldn’t want a high-paid salary woman and that has nothing to do with jealousy or pride. There are many reasons for why it might be that way. One cannot simply assume it’s just jealousy and pride.
You have a point, I could have given an inconclusive statement and suggest that we’re all unique, but I believe there’s value in pointing out what *most* Japanese men would feel. Even in a relatively progressive country like the US, many men are sometimes expected to be the breadwinner in their households (and on the flip side, househusbands receive plenty of sexist comments too), and this stigma is even stronger in Japan. There are a lot of expectations, many related to “traditional” gender roles, and they still affect us today. Not suggesting it’s a good thing, it’s just the state of things for a lot of people.
A lot of these are about insecurity, like “too good at cooking.” We have a general idea of what we deserve, and perhaps we’re not comfortable with people who are clearly better than we are. We tend to surround ourselves with people who share similar qualities, and this extends to romantic partners as well.
Isn’t it reassuring that, according to the related article in which women are polled, that they don’t mind if their partners are perhaps workaholics? A little sarcasm there, just thought it was funny to point out. I do also like the distinction of “too rich” being on there as opposed to “super high salary,” because then you start to assume that they’re picky, pampered boys instead of a hard-working earner.
Hmm, some of them are things that could, technically, be due to insecurities, but the “too good at cooking” one, for instance, confuses me. If the gender roles are dictating this as much as you say — I’m not saying they’re not because you’re correct that gender roles are huge in Japan still –, then if a woman is really good at cooking, why does that become a bad thing if she’s even better at cooking? How does that relate to the guy’s insecurity? Or maybe I’m missing what you mean by “insecurity.” Because if gender roles say that women are good at cooking, then shouldn’t a woman who’s good at cooking => she fits into the gender role => she would be a better spouse for a society that is so dictated by gender roles? Not that I disagree with the fact that most people tend to surround themselves with people of similar skills and qualities, but if gender roles are so strong, then it would seem like a woman that’s really good at cooking should be something desired as it is independent of a skill that, perhaps, many Japanese males believe they need to have.
Lol the contrast is indeed interesting.
Right, right. And I think wording tends to be a key point of most people’s misunderstanding when one lists things that they’re attracted to. If not worded well, it could sound extremely egotistical or picky, etc. even though what they’re actually hoping for may not even be so. It’s just that their choice of words wasn’t sufficient to get their desired intent across.